Why it takes a lot of self compassion to be a meditator
editWhen I was struggling to cope with a toxic work and home life, feeling like I had nowhere ‘safe’ to be, I undertook a course of traditional psychotherapy in an attempt to unfuck my life. However, my appointments were straight after work and I found that I was either off loading my day or just talking about past traumatic events. In return the therapist listened and barely asked me anything. I never came away from any session feeling like I’d taken steps forward in my healing or indeed had tools in my toolkit that would help me become resilient enough to take some positive action to change my situation. They say therapy is like holding up a mirror to reflect back at you your experiences. Well, I didn’t need to pay £60 an hour to talk to myself in front of a mirror!
Fast forward to today and many people feel that talking therapy alone is not enough as it doesn’t connect with the body which is where most trauma is stored. It’s why many people cannot sustain a meditation practice. If you think meditation is peace love and patchouli, think again. When you finally learn to stop grabbing thoughts and the mind quietens enough for you to drop into your body, your body says ‘thank goodness’ I can now do my job and release all this stress. So the first thing that happens is you come face to face with the truth of who you are, and all that has passed before you, the good, the bad and the ugly. In any context, the truth hurts right?
But over time, with a sustained practice, the stress begins to release, your relationship to the emotions, to the trauma begins to change. You learn to see it differently. This takes a HUGE amount of self compassion and forgiveness. Researchers are now suggesting that when we practice self-compassion techniques, for example through formal meditation or breathing techniques, the more self-compassion we develop. Researches believe that this leads individuals to participate more in perspective practices as opposed to focusing and attaching to their own distress. The end result is a better improved mental health.
This has certainly been my experience. I liken meditation to having the dustmen come and take the bins of stress out of your mind and body. When they arrive early in the morning, it’s noisy, dirty and smelly. By the time they have left, the place feels cleaner, mentally, physically and energetically. You wouldn’t have overflowing bins your house right? So why would you allow stress to stagnate and rot your mind and body?
In between though is a journey of self-compassion and forgiveness – not to those that caused you harm – but to yourself, for the decisions you made when you didn’t know any better. That has really helped me take back my personal power after some pretty significant life challenges.
Interestingly, I recently returned to psychotherapy as I felt I had plateaued with my meditation practice and was ready to go much deeper. This time around was a very different experience. I found it useful to run both alongside each other to support next level healing. I feel this is what it means to work more holistically, combining modern medicine with ancient wisdom. Afterall, we are individuals on our own unique path, so why follow any singular route?
With love, light and a little bit of Ayama Magic.
Nikki x
NOTE: I am not medically qualified, this is post is a personal perspective post. Trauma is personal and meditation is not a substitute for medical treatment or doctor advice.